Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
