i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
