Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
