All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
