all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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