Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
