I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
