all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
birth control should be required to get into college
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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