VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
