is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
