She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
