i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
