Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
