So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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