I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
