i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
