She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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