today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
