I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ok first of all what the fuck
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
