I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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