Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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