Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
