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Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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