On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.