i think my tv is drunk
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.