Ambien. No doubt about it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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