Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
