Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
