Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
