I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
