you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
