my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
