it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
