guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm at about main and main street
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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