I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
