is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
