The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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