these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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