1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
