The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
