Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
