There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize