I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
