It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
