you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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