meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
