dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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