Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
