I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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