i can't believe i had my finger in that
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
