You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we're making bets on your personal life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
