Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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