Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His hands were made for my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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