I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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