we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
