I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
