It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
