ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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