I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
