Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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