I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
its liver damage thursday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
