her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
