so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
