and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
