So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize