i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My bed smells like the plague
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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