What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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