u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
