my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
