so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
