I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
